Jason C. Brand (brandeks) wrote in fireflyfans,
Jason C. Brand

Joss Whedon facts...

Just thought you should know these facts about Joss Whedon...

  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Joss Whedon.

  • Joss Whedon doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Joss Whedon has allowed to live.

  • Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Joss Whedon.

  • Joss Whedon does not sleep. He waits.

  • Joss Whedon is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right fists.

  • Joss Whedon is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

  • Joss Whedon counted to infinity - twice.

  • There is no chin behind Joss Whedon’s beard. There is only another fist.

  • When Joss Whedon does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

  • Joss Whedon is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

  • Joss Whedon’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

  • There is no such thing as global warming. Joss Whedon was cold, so he turned the sun up.

  • Joss Whedon can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

  • Joss Whedon doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

  • Joss Whedon gave Mona Lisa that smile.

  • Joss Whedon can slam a revolving door.

  • Joss Whedon does not get frostbite. Joss Whedon bites frost.

  • Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Firefly marathon on Satellite TV.

  • Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Josstatorship.

  • Guns don't kill people. Joss Whedon kills People.

  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Joss Whedon allows to live.

  • The chief export of Joss Whedon is Pain.

  • Joss Whedon has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

  • The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Joss Whedon 3. Cancer

  • Joss Whedon drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

  • Joss Whedon is my Homeboy.

  • Joss Whedon doesn't go hunting.... Joss Whedon GOES KILLING

  • Joss Whedon once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

  • Crop circles are Joss Whedon' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

  • Joss Whedon is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

  • The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Joss Whedon out. It failed miserably.

  • Contrary to popular belief, Joss Whedon, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

  • Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Joss Whedon has 72... and they're all poisonous.

  • If you ask Joss Whedon what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

  • When Joss Whedon sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Joss Whedon has not had to pay taxes, ever.

  • The quickest way to a man's heart is with Joss Whedon's fist.

  • Joss Whedon invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

  • CNN was originally created as the "Joss Whedon Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

  • Joss Whedon can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Please feel free to comment with your own Joss Whedon facts!

Update 2:07 AM - Disclaimer: I blatantly copied these facts from the Chuck Norris list and replaced his name with Joss' name. I am well aware that I am now going to the "special hell".
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